Another month

I've been having a really tough time lately. My two co-workers are giving birth in December and January, three people just had their babies in the past month or so (Blizzard babies!), and I recently learned that one of my close friends is pregnant with her fourth child. My first reaction was excitement and joy for her, but jealousy quickly set in and I began to cry. I am thankful she told me via technology because I would hate for her to have any association of her joyous news with my sad expressions.

Jonathan and I have been trying to conceive since January. We have been thoughtfully trying (aka using a schedule) since April. It is now October and I am growing concerned. My good friend from church who has two beautiful adopted children has been a God send for me. She is encouraging me with her testimony of her own struggles. Here is an expert from an email I wrote her:

I woke up this morning feeling kinda strange. My lungs are sore from crying. I've never been this broken up by something, but I know the harder I fall, the stronger God becomes in my life. I know God has me working at LU right now for a reason and not in a secular work place. I know God had Jonathan get a job first for a reason, so we can provide for whatever family God gives us... I can already see God working in everything. But as David said, and I'm paraphrasing, I still feel like crap.

I assumed that birth control took 6 months to leave the system, but she told me that I am misinformed like many women. Birth control leaves the body almost immediately in a week or so. For some women it can carry on for 2-3 months, but rarely 6 months. I stopped BC in January and now its September.

We'll see. I know God knows what He's doing, but I want to know what He's doing, too.


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