Friday, December 31, 2010


I was planning on cutting my hair when I got pregnant. I've been growing it out for 2 years, waiting and waiting for the chance to cut it. I grew tired of waiting and was tired of having to take the time to wash, dry, and style all of this extra weight that I didn't fully enjoy. On Wednesday, I cut 9 inches off of my hair and it feels great!!

Before and After!

I donated my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths hair donation program. It's similar to Locks for Love except they do not charge cancer patients for their wigs.

I adore having short hair - its low maintenance and fun to style in different ways. Long hair had its benefits, especially in the winter. I had fun curling and braiding, but it got to be a hassle every morning to make it look nice for work. My new cut can dry and style quickly. I also like the way it frames my face.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


I am feeling very relaxed. God is in control and I'm glad its not me.
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Friday, December 24, 2010

Hard day

Today was hard. Its Christmas eve and all I see are pregnant women and baby Jesus.

We're seeing Jon's side of the family today, which means 14 people in one house. We don't have our own room since we are doing half time here and half time with my parents. I'm sick, I want to be alone, and all we have is a pull-out bed that is currently being used as a couch. My mom-in-law was very kind and let me crash in her room and watch TV. I cried a bit out of frustration in general for not having a space to uncoil, cried a bit for seeing pregos everywhere, cried a bit for not being prego, dried my eyes, wiped my nose, then cried a bit more when I couldn't get the TV to work. It felt good to cry.

(Addendum: My other co-worker had her baby today! Little Lily shares her birthday with Jesus.)

On another note, I ovulate four days off of what the app on my phone tells me. This means we have been off the whole time. Sheesh!

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Friday, December 17, 2010

God is working

God has been pummeling me upside the head this week. I'm not the one in control; He is. I'm not the one who makes the calendar; He does. It's not about how good I am or what I do to "earn" a baby, it's up to God to bless us. I can't earn His blessing or earn His love because He loves me no matter what. He won't love me less if I'm angry and He won't love me more if I'm happy. The more I obey Him, the more I realize the freedom He gives me. He wants to give me the peace He's already provided. I've been so pigheaded and clouded by emotions and selfishness that I haven't surrendered my control to Him and accepted His peace. I need to give up my will and accept His.

The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

There is no right age to be a parent. There is no perfect age to start a family. There is no one way to do anything - God has individual plans for all of His children. I have a career I love, I have two degrees and am pursuing a third, Jonathan has a job he is enjoying, he will finish his Master's degree in a year or so, and we are at a place where we just want the next step in our walks with God. He brought us to our knees in this past week and we just want to be in His will, whatever that means. If we adopt then we want to be all in. If His will is to do in vitro, then we know God will provide the funds to do so. If He wants us to wait more years, then we will do it. I know it will be painful because it won't fit what we've envisioned for so long. I know it'll suck because it's not what we would want for ourselves. But, we know that God wants what's best for us, and if we don't have a kid right now, then there's a damn good reason for it. (Yes, I said damn because this is an epic moment. Epic moments merit powerful words.)

On a separate (but maybe not?) note, we are exploring the idea that being Christian and pursuing the American dream are not the same thing. American Christianity is very different from Biblical Christianity. It's not about storing treasures and security on this Earth but rather to store treasures in Heaven and invest in people, not things and Earthly securities.

So yea, it's been a big week!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Some results

after a month of waiting, I called the obgyn to see what the results were of Jons tests. She told me his numbers and where they should be, then she said she wasn't concerned but if we wanted to, we could see a urologist. Well, we will.

Until next entry..
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Monday, December 13, 2010

One more

We are not pregnant yet, but another one of our friends is.

They got married after us, already have a kid, and are currently working on their second one. FML.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I'm supposed to have my period on Monday. So far my chin is way more zitty than usual, my temperature has remained high rather than lowering as it should right before my period, but I could be having another irregular period.

On an unrelated note, there are way too many strollers in malls. Just way too many.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Another good day.

My basal adventures continue. Lisa's helping me understand what the numbers all mean.