Friday is when my period should start. I'm going on a trip to Myrtle Beach as a staff chaperone to the Liberty University Marching Band. I will be packing feminine supplies just in case.

I told one of my co-workers that if she sees me with my hair chopped off, it means I'm pregnant.

Last night after work, I was driving home and talking to God. I asked Him to give me some kind of confirmation if I was pregnant - I started feeling like my stomach was fainting. I know that's a strange way to describe it, but it's true - it was slightly butterfly-like, but it felt like it was getting dizzy. Was it in my head? Is this all psychosomatic? I got home, took a test, while I waited I was on my face praying that I would have peace about the results, then saw the results: negative. If it was positive, I told myself I would stay home and surprise Jonathan with the news. Since it was negative, that night I went to a Mary Kay party and I was the only one there besides the host and consultant. I'm very glad I went and I had a fun time getting to know the ladies more.

Ugh, I'm just tired of waiting. I'm tired of people younger than me getting pregnant accidentally, or having no trouble on the first try. We knew before we were married that we wanted children when we were young - my 26th b'day is in February. My mom had her first when she was 26, my mother in law had her 3rd at that point. I just don't know how to not think about it. It's Wednesday and I won't really know anything definitively until Friday. TWO DAYS. It's an eternity, and the stress of it could also delay my period which would give me false hope.. ahhhhh. It's just too much sometimes.


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