Thursday, December 8, 2011

Guest Blogger: Center Couch Cushion

I finally have some time to myself. That fat lady has been harassing me for months! When they first saved me from the warehouse and brought me home, the new place looked nice enough. I thought my brothers and I would live a long, quiet life in this small house. Now they laugh at my shrinking height and growing width.

Before: So full of life and hope.


Mom and Dad said we would all sag together as a family. What did they know? It was just the two of them. I should have stopped listening to them as soon as there were three of us. "Love Seat"? More like Smother Seat.

Oh no she's coming back.
WOOOOMPH.

She's gone again.

I wish she would give me a break at some point. Even when the other Big One comes home, she doesn't move over. She makes him choose one of my brothers. And now there's a Small One. I barely noticed it at first until it started wiggling. It's very wiggly. The Fluffy One doesn't sleep on me anymore. The Big Ones would just use that sticky wand to clean Fluffy One's leftovers before more Big Ones would visit. Now they get that big loud sucky thing.

WOOOOMPH.
At least she's not as fat as she was.

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