Sunday, July 8, 2012

One Week

It's been a hell of a week.

I'm not sure of the order one goes through with grief, but so far we've encountered denial, anger, and sadness. We're confident where Buddy is, but it still sucks.

Even though I'm sad, I'm thankful for many things. The power being out for a full week was a blessing because I don't have the visual memories of being in the house when I started bleeding. We didn't have the comforts of home so we were able to seek refuge in our parents' homes. The 11 cloth diapers I purchased from a friend 2 weeks ago [for Buddy] I was able to use so we could continue saving money, even on "vacation". The week of our loss, I was feeling crampy and nauseas so I didn't go grocery shopping - that means we didn't have to throw out much food during the power outage.  Our friends are making us mix CDs of amazing music. The CDs have been epic. For example, one CD the song list includes the The Legend of Zelda theme, Mama Said Knock You Out, and Praise You In The Storm. Epic. I'm most thankful that after posting about Buddy on my blog, several people have expressed their thanks and shared their own stories of loss. Community is a powerful thing.

One of the easier and harder things about the healing process is Joanna. She makes us laugh and smile everyday. She was on the cusp of crawling all week and yesterday was her big day - she crawled! Part of me was thrilled to have a distraction. Then part of me wondered what Buddy would have looked like crawling, what his laugh would sound like, what his head would smell like? How would Joanna have reacted to a new sibling?

"Praise You In The Storm" is a song of great healing for us. I always thought Casting Crowns were pretty cheesy, especially this song. Although I knew every word, listening after our week was the first time I really heard it. We are quite literally praising him in the storm. "Praise You In The Derecho" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.


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