Some Days > Others

[WARNING: Post-pardom hormones. The feelings expressed in this post are now gone, but rather than hide the reality of hormones, I wanted to publish my thought process today. I don't want pity - I just want to make sure other women know they aren't the only ones.]

Facebook can be a blessing. Facebook can be awful.

I'm a member of several mommy groups on Facebook. Most of the groups are "crunchy", meaning the mamas are natural in as many ways as possible. (cloth diaper, breast feeding, drug-free and/or home births, amber teething necklaces, etc). I personally define myself as crunchy peanut butter - I'm only crunchy when it saves me money and/or time. But I digress.

I have zero regrets about my scheduled C-section. I have zero regrets about using cloth diapers. However, my inability to nurse still irks me. I love the extra time I gained when I stopped spending 75% of my days and nights with either a machine or an infant attached to my boob. Even though I stopped nursing nearly 7 months ago, I still get insanely jealous of women whose cups overfloweth.  I was lucky to get 2 ounces a day when pumping (most women can pump 2 ounces in 5 minutes). I was so blind by my desire to nurse exclusively that I couldn't see that Joanna was starving; she lost almost 2 pounds before her first month checkup. My babe's health was far more important than my pride so we started giving her formula in addition to whatever additional milk I could provide. Soon after, I got very sick and completely dried up. #bodyfail

I'm especially jealous of women who easily lost weight after giving birth. I haven't zipped a fly in a year and a half. The few times I've attempted to wear non maternity jeans, I end up in pain if I sit too long. I know I had a 10 pound baby, but I had that 10 pound baby 9 months ago. It took 9 months to get fat - I thought it would take 9 months to at least get back into non maternity clothes, even if they weren't my pre-prego clothes. My stomach protrudes the same it did at 2 months post-pardom even after completely changing my diet.  I try exercising whenever I can. I lost inches in my waist, hips, and arms but the stomach is still the same. As the picture states, I was 186lbs at 2 weeks post pardom. I now weigh 180lbs. Not cool, body.  wwtf = what's with the fat?

I'm tired of seeing other moms wearing normal clothes sooner than me. I hate that my body failed to feed my baby and is now failing to shrink. I'm fed up with feeling not good enough.

*sigh* I'm just feeling fat and unaccomplished. I'm realizing now that this is most likely post-pardom depression from Buddy and not the skinny hippies on Facebook bragging about the endless supply of milk in their freezer.

I just want to be a good mom and a hot wife to the two people I love most.

[end hormonal rant]


  1. *Sigh* I totally feel you on the weight thing, Mama. *Sigh again*

  2. Have you heard of diastasis recti? That might be part of it. Hope you feel better!

  3. I've never heard of that! Thanks Mariel!! I've been wondering why crunches haven't been doing a thing. I'll try those other exercises today!


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