Wow. I have been incredibly selfish and assuming about my life. Last night I realized that my heart is not in the right place. How dare I dismiss the Word of God! How dare I dismiss the encouragement of a colleague! I am selfish and bitter and those are not from God.
Last night was First Wednesday at our church, which is a night of worship for us to seek God's word and praise Him with music. I'm on the worship team and joined with my team members to lead the congregation in musical worship. I am finally just now surrendering my path to God. I know I've talked the talk, but I never really fully just gave it up so God could have it.
Well, since giving it up, I realized I don't need to have a baby and it's not my right to have a baby, and it's not God's will for us to have had a baby now. I'm going to enjoy this parentless time as best I can because as soon as I'm knocked up, my life will be different. Obviously, I'm not done with this pre-kids life yet so I need to use it to glorify God as best I can.
So yea. Hopefully I'll be posting less frequently for a little bit :)