Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Ugh.

I'm chatting with one of my former colleagues right now. He's talking about he's jealous that we were able to go to Las Vegas and how he wished he could go but his wife is pregnant with their third child. Then he asks if there's anything new and exciting in our lives, I promptly let him know that no we aren't pregnant yet but we are leaning into God as we wait. He then starts talking about how that is an exciting place to be because he was there recently when they needed a new minivan for their growing family. He said that as soon as they prayed, God answered with a minivan on Craigslist.

"it was amazing to watch how it all came together"

Yea. Good for you. God answered your prayer within 24 hours. Awesome.
I responded the best I could:

"that's awesome! God's timing is perfect."
"Yea :) it sure is"

he continued:

"so I know when you are waiting for something how wearing that can be - so I hope my story encouraged you a little today."
"God isn't answering us quite as quickly, but we're still praying"
"yeah. and think of the story you can share with others on the other side of things. Psalm 107 is a great passage. That talks about that kind of thing"

Really? David talks about wanting to have a child while others sneeze them out every year? Pardon my snark, but it seems that parts of it are talking about how the foolish are complaining and not reeping the blessings of the Lord. Then it talks about how stupid people are and how we need saving over and over again.

But alas, I know I need to be thankful. I'm thankful I could go to Las Vegas because we are childless and can afford to act foolish? Does that work?



(breathes)



Normally I would edit the bitterness and only keep the happy sunshine and unicorns. I want to be as authentic as possible with this blog because I know I'm not alone and I know other women experience these emotions and reactions. I truly am thankful that this experience is bringing Jonathan and I closer together rather than tear us apart, that is something that can only happen by the grace of God. I'm thankful to be here right now having the experiences I have. I'm thankful that God saved a wretch like me because I sure as hell didn't deserve to be saved in the first place (I say "sure as hell" because that's where I should be going if it were not for the grace of God). I'm going to go re-read that Psalm now.


(PS - I blocked another 4 people from my FB newsfeed because of their recent announcements. It seems that as soon as one group pops, another group gets knocked up.)

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