I've got a case of the Mommy Purples. It's like having the Mommy Blues but a slightly lighter shade. Like a lavender color. It's not full on blues like my former self loathing middle and high school years. It's just purples. I'm fully functional and still operating, but I feel like I'm not all here emotionally. It's hard to put into words. I suppose it's akin to feeling like a robot on cruise control or a computer running virus software: everything reacts just a bit slower.
My baby is amazing and she has the best temperament. Last night she debuted her howling growl of a cry, all because her binky was a few ticks stage left of her mark (my inner theater nerd is coming out). It made me laugh instead of stressed. She loves being fed, held, and clean - what more could I ask for in an adorable little girl?
So why do I have a case of the purples? Is it the weather? It is rather rainy and dreary outside. Is it my diet? Well, I haven't been able to buy produce as often as I'd like since I can only grocery shop every other week. Is it because Thanksgiving is coming up? Eh, could be. Is it because I can't do Black Friday for the first time in like 10 years? Possibly. Is it because I haven't had a shower in 3 days? Wait what? I haven't showered? Ew.
I know it's not for a lack of people who love me - I'm inundated by support and encouragement. It's not for the lack of spousal love - Jonathan is an amazing husband and father. It's not for the lack of sleep - Joanna has recently been able to sleep for 5 hour stretches. It's just.. it's just the purples.
In addition to prayer and worship, there are some physical things that help: caffeine, sugar, and productivity. Caffeine will always be the magic fuel for my veins - praise God for coffee, lattes, and Dr. Pepper! Sugar gives a quick jolt to my system until the caffeine kicks in from the coffee. Productivity helps to distract me from myself as well as help me feel proud of myself. This blog has helped me feel productive while flexing my creative muscles. Double win.
I think I know what it is - Little Oliver's due date was this week. He was born in July, weighing one pound and lived for one amazing hour. I look at my gigantic 3 week old and try to imagine how tiny a one pound baby would be. He is still so loved. He'll always be the first grandchild and I can't wait to meet him in Heaven!