Wednesday, August 10, 2011

FAQs

As a follow-up to my "Things People Say" post, I decided to also post (and answer) some Frequently Asked Questions.

  • Are you pregnant?
    • No, I had Mexican for lunch. Of course I'm pregnant!
  • When's the baby due?
    • What baby?
      • "Ooh.. uh.. the pandas.. at the zoo.."  
    • October 23rd.
  • Is it a boy or a girl?
    • It's a girl :)
  • Do you have a name?
    • Joanna!
      • Do you have a middle name?
        • Hussein
        • No, we don't have one yet.
  • How are you feeling?
    • Pregnant.
  • Are you sure you're due in October?
    • Yep, that's what the doctor said.
      • Are you having twins?
        • No. But thank you for inadvertently calling me fat.
  • How much weight have you gained?
    • As of week 29, I've gained 27 pounds. 
      • Wow, isn't that a lot?
        • Yes. But docs aren't concerned so Imma keep on feedin' my baby!
  • Why do you walk like that?
    • My uterus has expanded to accommodate an adorably wiggly bowling ball which makes walking with a normal stride physically painful. Waddling makes me comfortable and therefore can save your life.
  • What's it like having a creature growing inside of you?
    • It's like having gas that can punch you in the lung.
    • It's like a tickle from a rainbow.
    • It's like that scene in SpaceBalls where the guy has the special and the alien bursts out singing "Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my ragtime gal". 
  • Why are you doing cloth diapers?
  • Why are you going to nurse?
    • It's much healthier for baby and mama.
    • It's super cheap.
      • Are you sure you're not a hippie?
        • Yes, I'm absolutely sure I'm not a hippie.
  • Why don't you have a doula/midwife?
    • Because I'm not a hippie.
    • They're extremely beneficial for those who want one. We don't want one.
  • Why are you (not) anti-epidural?
    • I'm going to make it without drugs as long as I can. If I want/need drugs, I'm totally taking them without guilt.
  • Why are you (not) staying home?
    • Our desire is for me to stay home, but we're relying on God to confirm and provide funds in order for us to do so. It's cheaper for both of us to stay working but it's more important to us for a parent to be home with the child(ren).
  • Did you have morning sickness?
    • Yes and still do. And by the way, the "morning" in morning sickness is supposed to be said with air quotes since it happens all day.
  • Do you play classical music for her while she's in the womb?
    • No - I play Broadway and Bluegrass. 
What other questions am I forgetting?

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